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Tesserella

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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2010|10:53 am]
Tesserella
 I feel like a fucking 16 year old trapped in an adult body. I am so fucking lost and so fucking sad, I can't climb out. I don't feel prepared for anything. I'm not ready to be a grown-up.
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Oooh [May. 7th, 2010|02:29 am]
Tesserella
[Tags|]

Check it out, posting from my iPod. Go me.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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Lessons of 2009 [Dec. 31st, 2009|03:06 am]
Tesserella
[Current Location |Bed.]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |Selena Gomez & The Scene - Naturally | Powered by Last.fm]

  1. Family is most important.
  2. Just because you're related doesn't mean they're family. 
  3. Friends count as family.
  4. Stay in if you want to stay in.
  5. Relationships can change in a matter of minutes. Seconds even.
  6. Take changes, break rules. The worst that can happen is that you get in trouble.
  7. People WILL surprise you. And disappoint you.
  8. Life is for living, live it.
  9. Three boys you don't know can introduce you to your best friends.
  10. Finding people who understand is hard.
  11. Jealousy sucks but everyone gets jealous.
  12. Wizards of Waverly Place is the best show on TV. Seriously.
  13. Just because she can't sing doesn't mean I won't listen to her.
  14. You can feel strong emotions for near strangers.
  15. Crying is therapeutic.
  16. Harry Potter is still the best series of books ever written.
  17. I am messy as hell.
  18. Sleep is for the weak.
  19. When in doubt, dance out.
  20. The internet is a viable place to make friends. Even if you'll never meet them.
  21. Wal-Mart is the best store. Ever.
  22. Gold leggings are everyday attire.
  23. Family Channel is amazing but they need to cut the shit and stop playing 'Recess'
  24. Somethings are better as memories.
  25. It's easy to creep out Joe and Nick Jonas. Kevin Jonas is gayer in real life.
  26. Friendships are weird and fickle.
  27. Sometimes you want to apologize and don't know how. If I hurt you at all, even a little, believe me, I am sorry.
  28. Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up.
  29. Feeling lost is normal. Everyone is lost.
  30. Music tastes change. Some may think mine has gotten worse, but I am very happy with it.
  31. Jonas Brothers are way more talented than you think.
  32. Gut instinct is the right instinct.
  33. There are worse things than being tired.
  34. The hardest thing in the world is being comfortable with yourself.
  35. Fake confidence goes a long way.
  36. You can hide a lot behind laughter.
  37. Asking for help is hard.
  38. If it makes you happy, it can't be wrong. 
  39. It can only get better.
Happy new year, here's to bigger and better things.
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(no subject) [Jul. 3rd, 2009|03:04 pm]
Tesserella
[Tags|]
[Current Location |Hardware Store]
[Current Mood |sicksick]
[Current Music |Hannah Montana on TV]

 Hey everyone! Colds in the middle of summer BLOW.

That is all.
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(no subject) [Jun. 19th, 2009|02:12 pm]
Tesserella
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |Strawberry Fields]
[Current Mood |enthralledenthralled]
[Current Music |Jonas Brothers - Hey Baby | Powered by Last.fm]

  Alright crazy Jonas fans, this has to be said: You're fucking crazy and you give us sane fans a bad name. 

First and foremost, I understand, believe me I do. They're talented, handsome and charasmatic. They seem like awesome guys and you want to marry them. Awesome. Let's start with that.

When meeting someone you love and dream of marrying do not:

Scream. A scream is an unpleasent noise and no one likes it. Especially boys that have been screamed at all over the world for the past 2 or 3 years. Say "Hi I am ______" and shake their hand. Maybe go for a hug. They'll appreciate it. On that note, when in close contact with them don't
Grab them, squeeze them, rip their clothes. Seriously, I understand the urge, I want Joseph naked as much as the next girl but it's not going to get you anything. Except maybe escorted away. Again, shake their hand, maybe go for a hug
Cry. Until afterwards. This one is mainly because nobody looks good crying. You don't want to meet them covered in snot and tears, hicupping and sniffling. It's gross and you'll regret it. Seriously, you don't want to be these girls:
They look terrible and the boys look uninterested.

My advice? Treat them like people, because that's what they are. When you meet someone for the first time I very much doubt the tears come out or that you start stuttering. They are just people and they deserve your respect, which means BE POLITE. Screaming while they talk is not polite, which brings me to my next point.

When seeing the boys play live or be interviewed live, it's nice NOT to scream while they talk. First of all, there are hundreds, sometimes thousands of people screaming, they can't hear you. Secondly, it's fucking rude. Once again, I will remind you, they are people. People you probably stood for hours to see and you scream throughout everything they say.

By all means, at a concert, at the appropriate times, scream your little faces off. When Nick is talking about diabetes? Don't scream. When the whole stadium is silent? Don't scream. When they are interacting with one another or the crowd, don't scream. Seriously, some of us are interested in what they have to say and it's nice to be able to hear it without shrieks. 

While I'm at it, here are some other things you shouldn't do:
- Don't climb barbed wire fences to get them. it's stupid and dangerous.
- Don't knock down baracades. Again, stupid and dangerous.
- Don't grab them as they walk by and refuse to let go. It's creepy.
- Don't hang out outside their houses, or hotels. Again, creepy.
- Don't beat each other up to get closer to them. No one looks good with a fat lip. Just fucking stupid.
- Stop proposing to them. It's lame.
- Don't follow them. Creepy.
- Leave their girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, friends, family etc... alone.
- Tattoos at this point are lame.
- Don't tell them everything you know about them. It's really fucking creepy. REALLY creepy.

Again, I'm right there with you. I want to grab and kiss them too, but I don't (or won't) because they are people and that's not what you do to people. Especially people you've just met and don't know. Even if you know EVERYTHING about them, you do not actually know them. And if you act insane you never will.
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(no subject) [May. 17th, 2009|06:21 pm]
Tesserella
[Current Mood |crappycrappy]
[Current Music |Jonas Brothers - Lovebug | Powered by Last.fm]

 What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone want to be my friend? Why do I have to do the chasing? The calling? Why are my calls ignored and forgotten? What's wrong with me that I spend most pf my time alone in my room? I try to be nice, outgoing. I like having fun and going out. Why am I always left alone? 

I don't know what to do. Three times I've been told "I'll call you back" and I never get a call back. Tonight I'll spend the night alone while my "friends" are out clubbing. I got a half hearted invite after I asked what was going on tonight, and then a brush of "I don't know, we might not go, I'll call you back." Which is a nice way of saying I won't hear from them tonight.

Somehow I;ve become the go-to friend for advice but that's it. I'm only good to call at 3 am, probably because they know I'm home, but not to go out with.

I really hate myself right now. I like my life better when everyone I know is away at school. That way I'm not being left out, ignored.
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(no subject) [May. 5th, 2009|02:39 pm]
Tesserella
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[Current Music |Don't Trust Mw - 3!OH!3!]

 I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!   I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!! 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(no subject) [Apr. 26th, 2009|10:46 pm]
Tesserella
<b>Is this bold?</b>
[b]This?[/b]
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Love [Mar. 6th, 2009|01:38 pm]
Tesserella
[Tags|]
[Current Location |Space Station]
[Current Mood |peacefulpeaceful]
[Current Music |Jonas Brothers - Shelf]

As I lay in bed this morning, my head resting on the chest of the Boy-Du-Jour I got to thinking about love.

As we all know, love is important. It's important in the development from infancy to childhood and beyond. Love defines us. Our parents love, the things we love, the people we love, how we love - love is, essentially, who we are. Humans are born to love. We all actively seek it out in one form or another,whether that be through music, sex, drugs - there is something to love. One of the greatest disservices a person can do is with hold love from a deserving party.

So, with my head on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat loud in my ear, his light, sleepy breaths in my hair I thought, "Do I love him?" Yes, absolutely I do, but am I IN love with him? While I feel strongly for him, I would be devastated if anything was to happen to him and I am immensely happy with him  I am not in love with him. I'll miss him terribly when our time together comes to an end, but it's something that I know will happen sooner or later. He's not the one for me, I'm not the one for him. We don't have the same goals, nothing we want matches up. Our futures are meant to be different, so why waste my time?

Why am I with someone with whom I have no future? Shouldn't I be out there looking for the perfect guy for me? I don't think so. I'm 20 years old. I don't have any longing to be married soon, I'm not ready to settle down. I'm completely happy going nowhere with the current Boy. It's comfortable and fun. His friends are great, his family is awesome and he is wonderful. He is something peaceful in my otherwise unruly, sad life.

I love instantly. I fall in love with the cute boy at the bus stop, the latest celebrity crush, the random guy who passes me on a bike. I fall in love instantly, I fall out of love just as fast. Some people lust, I love. I don't just want the person, I want to KNOW them - their fears and wants. I want to hear about their work, their dog, their 3rd birthday. I want a glimpse into their world. I want to curl up and hear their heartbeat, feel their breath, the rise and fall of their chest, the warmth of their skin. I envision our first conversation, the exchange of phone numbers, the first date, first kiss etc... Sometimes I think of nothing else for minutes, hours, days,months even, years but it always fades. Eventually I hope to meet someone who I can't stop thinking about, ever. Someone who fascinates me to end. Someone I can fully immerse myself in fully. Someone I can breath in and never exhale.

One day this will happen. One day I'll know everlasting love. But not today. Today I'm happy in my faux relationship. I'm happy with his heartbeat and his breath. His kisses and his laughs. For now he makes me happy and for now that's how it will stay.

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Writer's Block: Deal or No Deal [Mar. 5th, 2009|03:27 pm]
Tesserella
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[Current Mood |thirstythirsty]

What's on your list of dealbreakers when it comes to romantic relationships?
Jealousy
Abuse of any kind (I'm looking at you Chris Brown, you piece of shit)
Extreme drug or alcohol use
Ignorance, being close minded
Selfishness
Meaness
Not liking cats/dogs/pets
Not wanting kids
People who don't like reading
Stupidity
Being boring

To name a few.

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